This is the House Strawhat Built
by VioletCrush
Summary: What do you get when the entire Strawhat crew is living together under one roof? Lots of epic craziness. It's the simple, everyday stuff of domestic life that these people just can't seem to get a handle on. Random series of AU one shots.
1. Nami's Date

**_Nami's Date_**

_

* * *

  
_

Nami couldn't believe it. She'll never get the blood stains out of her dress! Sanji was such an idiot sometimes!

Everyone was out in the living room for this one. Robin sat on one of the couches, her usual amused smile on her face, and Franky, her "super" husband, sat grinning next to her, massive arms slung across the couch back. Usopp was cowering in the corner somewhere. Luffy, Usopp's obnoxious roommate, was bouncing up and down giggling like a five year old. Even Chopper, the teen doctor-to-be, was watching eagerly. Nami stood in the front entryway, fists balled up, ready to strike, and face turning several shades of angry reds.

"YOU IDIOT!!!" she finally exploded at Sanji.

Said man was sprawled out in an armchair, bleeding from a few wounds and sporting an icepack over a swelling black eye.

He muttered weakly, "He didn't deserve you."

"THAT'S NOT FOR YOU TO DECIDE!"

"But Nami, my love – "

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

Everyone's heads were bouncing back and forth between the two, like watching a ping pong match.

"I found some bandages," Zoro, Sanji's roommate, announced as he came down the stairs holding a few boxes of gauze and cloth.

"Oh good, I knew we had some," Robin cooed from the couch. "We go through those more than toilet paper around here!"

This received a tense chuckle from the other occupants, but Nami's aura of rage suppressed any truly joyous feelings, except for Luffy who always had that stupid grin on his face.

Zoro and Chopper set to work on their beaten-up friend, Nami still seething in the foyer.

"Let's just hope what's-his-name didn't have a concussion from all the kicks to the head," Zoro commented as Sanji moaned.

"Jack. His name was Jack." Uh oh, another Nami explosion was about to happen. "No one even bothered to ask his name before he was beaten to a bloody pulp! What the _HELL_ was your problem?! I go on one date and my crazy housemates decide to ruin it! I was banking on all you _children_ being in bed at this hour in the hopes of passing off that I live in the quiet company of my parents."

"Hey! You don't live with your parents!" Luffy shouted, indignant.

Nami sighed and slouched against the front door. "I _know_ that, Luffy. I was lying so I would seem more normal."

"He was scum!" Sanji yelled out.

"How do _you_ know?! You leaped down on top of him from the second story window for God's sake!"

"He was going to kiss you!"

"Yes, Sanji, that is usually what you do after a date. But I didn't get kissed, did I?"

"I saved you from that kiss-stealing jerk! Your precious, full lips would have been tainted!"

Nami threw her arms in the air. "I give up. Thank you, Sanji, for ruining my chances with a really great, really normal, really _rich_ guy. Thanks a lot." She took a deep sigh, trying to balance the raging emotions within. "I'm taking a hot bath and going to bed. I'll kill anyone who bothers me."

Her high heels pounded up the stairs followed by a door slamming.

"Jeeze, Sanji, you really made Nami mad!" Luffy laughed, still bouncing around.

"Guess I better go tape up that window," Franky said, getting up and stretching. "The repairs on this place are never ending!" He grabbed a garbage bag and duct tape out of the kitchen and went upstairs to Zoro and Sanji's room.

"Way to go, Curly Brow," jeered Zoro.

"Who are you calling Curly Brow, Moss Head!" Sanji protested, trying to stand, but fell back into the armchair with a hand to his head.

"Let's not start more fighting," Usopp piped up, coming out from behind the couch.

"Hahaha! Wasn't Nami scary?" Luffy laughed.

"She's always scary," Chopper said next to him.

A sultry feminine voice chuckled. "Well you did ruin her date," Robin said, still chuckling. "It's late, so I'm going back to bed."

She got up and headed for the stairs. Walking past Sanji, she stopped and added in a low, dark voice, "Since this is my house, you're paying for that window." Then she turned to everyone and smiled, almost cheerily. "Goodnight everyone!"

Everyone made some sort of response, save for Sanji who was overcome by melancholy rather suddenly.

* * *

A/N: I know this storyline has probably been done before, but it's a good start for the epicness to follow \^o^/ I can't promise I will update on a regular basis. This is just kind of a random idea that will pop up at random times! Please review!!! I need to know what you think so I can write more!


	2. The April Fools

_**The April Fools**_

* * *

"_I'm bringin' sexy back (yeah), the other boys don't know how ta act (yeah)"_

A hand slid out from under the blanket and crept across the floor towards the singing device. It skillfully flipped open the cell phone and hit the OK button before slithering back under the covers.

The body the hand belonged to turned over, sinking deeper into the bed while letting out a groan.

The door creaked open, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps entering the room.

"Sanji, shouldn't you be up?" an annoyed Zoro asked as he took off his sweaty t-shirt and patted himself down with a towel. He had just returned from his morning workout.

Sanji rolled over and glared at his green-headed roommate.

Wait. . .

Sanji blinked a few times. Something wasn't right. He closed one eye and then the other. Zoro just stared at Sanji with an amused look.

As realization set in, a horrified Sanji slowly reached a hand up to the left side of his face.

"Ha, that's a nice look for ya," Zoro smirked as Sanji's hand roamed his face and panic began to set in.

Suddenly, Sanji bolted out of bed to the mirror hanging over their dresser.

"What the HELL happened to my face!?!?!" Sanji screamed, clawing at his left eye where his hair _should_ have been covering it.

"So there _was_ an eye under there," Zoro laughed, throwing his towel over his shoulder.

"SHUT UP!" Sanji yelled, whipping around and jabbing a finger at Zoro, whose amused look never faded.

Someone shuffled by the room and yawned loudly.

"YOU!" Sanji turned his accusing finger towards the person in the hall outside the door.

"Wh-what? Me?" a confused Usopp asked, looking around for the nearest escape route. He didn't even have a chance. Sanji launched himself in a full fledged flying kick directly into Usopp's chest. He yelped in pain as Sanji's bare foot pinned him to the hall floor.

"YOU THINK _THIS_ IS FUNNY???" Sanji screamed, pointing dramatically to his exposed left eye.

Usopp tried to suppress a laugh. "I've always wondered what was under there."

"BASTARD! I can't believe you did this! My hair! My beautiful hair! Ruined!"

"W-wait! I didn't do that! I-I don't kn-now what you're talking about!"

"YES YOU DO! I know damn well it's April first!"

"It is?"

"USOPP!!!!!"

_CRASH!_

A door further down the hall slammed open and angry footsteps thundered towards them.

"Would someone please tell me _why_ my sleep was disturbed?!" an angry Nami ground out.

Usopp and Sanji blanched: Usopp because he was scared; Sanji because his beloved Nami-swan (only clad in a tank top and short gym shorts) was angrily staring at his butchered hair.

"What the . . . ?"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Sanji yelled as he jumped off Usopp and bolted towards the bathroom covering his face.

Eyebrow raised, Nami looked down at Usopp still sprawled on the floor.

"Hey, I didn't do it! I just had to pee!" he squealed in protest.

Nami rolled her eyes and stomped off to her bedroom.

* * *

"Well this is interesting," Robin muttered to herself, eyebrow cocked, index finger tapping her chin. "I guess no one is going anywhere today," she called to the others that were gathering in the kitchen for breakfast.

"What? But I made plans with Steph!" Nami cried, rushing over to the key rack next to the garage door. Her jaw dropped. She turned on the others, glaring. "Whoever did this better return my car keys _right now_."

All the car keys on their key rack had been swapped out for colorful sets of baby keys.

Everyone looked from one to the other, opening and closing mouths, shaking heads, pointing fingers.

Someone then snickered at the breakfast bar. The entire room turned to look at Usopp as he curled into a ball, hand clamped over his mouth.

"Alright, very funny, Usopp," Nami said, holding out her hand. "Now give me my keys so I can get out of here before any other April Fool jokes happen."

"It's April Fool's Day?" Luffy shouted excitedly. "Oh boy! I'd better go get Chopper to start planning some awesome pranks!" He sprang from his perch on the counter and skipped upstairs.

"N-no! I didn't do it!" Usopp protested, crossing his arms indignantly over his chest. "Geeze, first Sanji's hair and now the keys. Tsk, tsk. The Great Usopp wouldn't stoop to such low level pranks! I've got the greatest, awesomest prank planned for today! Oops! I said too much!" Usopp covered his mouth and looked around nervously. Then he skiddered away with his toast and jam.

"Well, the keys have to be somewhere around here. Let's start looking," Robin said, motioning for everyone to begin the search, which everyone did. Soon they were all crawling around on their hands and knees, looking everywhere for those keys.

"Zoro, why aren't you helping?" Nami ordered as she searched the cupboards.

"I don't need to go anywhere today," he shrugged with a bored look and relocated himself and his bowl of cereal to the breakfast bar.

Nami sighed and continued looking.

"~NAMI-SWAAAAAN!~ Breakfast!" Sanji sang, dancing over to Nami with a plate of eggs and bacon.

"Uh, sure, thanks Sanj – WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR HEAD?!?!?"

One of Nami's lacy black bras was strapped around Sanji's head, a massive cup covering the entire left side of his face.

His face grew hollow and a shadow seemed to appear over him. "I couldn't cook right with my left eye so exposed."

"SANJI! Gimme that!" she screeched, ripping it off his head. She stomped out of the kitchen and up the stairs, muttering, "Perv!" under her breath.

* * *

Franky slammed the door to his Ford Pickup shut and sauntered up the small dirt path to his workshop. This was his private workshop tucked away on a scraggly piece of property in the woods a good half hour drive from his house. Usually he came here alone, to get away from the crazy commotion that was the Strawhat Household. Sometimes he brought his lovely wife, Robin, to . . . well . . . get some alone time. Sometimes he let Usopp tag along since the little bro was studying to be an engineer. He had to blindfold him, though, so he wouldn't blab the location to some of the more obnoxious members in the house. Oh yeah, and once he brought Zoro to help with a large project that required his inhuman strength. But Zoro didn't need to be blindfolded since his sense of direction was so bad, how could he ever remember to get back?

Being April Fool's Day, Franky had no doubt that chaos was ensuing back at home, a perfect day to be scarce. In fact, all of the keys on their key rack had been switched to those plastic baby keys. Well, all except for his, oddly enough. Obviously someone decided it best not to play a prank on the head of the household.

Franky smiled to himself, thinking of his newest project he'd been working on in his spare time for the past six weeks. It was a beautiful, pine porch swing with intricate carvings all over it. An anniversary present for Robin. Hopefully it would last long enough for them to enjoy it. Around their house, anything delicate up to semi-sturdy somehow got destroyed in a matter of minutes.

He unlocked the large, garage like doors and swung them open. A great buzzing sound greeted him and caused his jaw to drop.

Termites were everywhere! And not just your average garden variety termite, they were huge wood eating machines! Half the shop was consumed! Saw dust piles littered the cement floor, all that remained of his beloved projects.

It wasn't long until Franky's shocked expression turned into an expression of rage. He ground his strong jaws together, grunting between clamped teeth, "Usopp."

* * *

"CHOPPERCHOPPERCHOPPERCHOPPER!" Luffy called excitedly, bounding upstairs to Chopper's room. He burst through the door yelling, "CHOOOOOPPEEEEEER! GUESS WHAT? IT'S APRIL FOOL'S DAY! . . . Eh? Chopper?"

Chopper, only in his boxers, stood on the oval rug in the center of his room surrounded by piles of girl's clothes.

Luffy's eyes sparkled. "What's this? Are we having a costume party? Oooh! I wanna dress up like a pirate! Shishishishishi! Wait, I mean, Arrrgh!"

But Chopper responded not. He simply stood there, in shock, staring at all the clothes.

"Oh yeah! Chopper! It's April Fool's Day! We need to prank some people!"

Still, Chopper said nothing.

"Woo hoo? Chopper?" Luffy waved his hand in front of Chopper's eyes.

Chopper mechanically turned his head towards Luffy, a blank look on his face.

"M-m-my clothes . . ." he mumbled, twitching with each stutter. "All . . . gone. . . only skirts . . ."

Luffy bent down and picked up one of the mini skirts and stuck his arm in it so he could see through it. "Aren't these Nami's?"

"Yes! Where did you get those?!" Nami suddenly appeared in the doorway, clutching one of her bras.

"Ah!" Chopper jumped upon seeing her. "I-I did-didn't do this! These were all that was in my closet and dresser. . . I can't find my own clothes . . ." He sniffed like he was going to start crying.

"Tee hee hee, Chopper, I didn't know you leaned _that_ way," Usopp snickered from behind Nami.

"I thought you got rid of those clothes after you graduated high school," Zoro said, sauntering into the room.

"I was going to. They were in garbage bags down the basement," she responded, confused.

Zoro merely grunted, shoveling more cereal from the bowl he was holding into his mouth.

"Usopp! Where are my clothes?" Chopper demanded.

"I don't have them! Hahaha! My prank is waaaaaayyyy better than this silly one!"

Nami sighed and grabbed Chopper by the wrist. "C'mon, let's see if we can find your clothes. Everyone's keys are missing too."

* * *

"Oi Luffy, where are you going?" Zoro asked as Luffy bounced down the hall towards his and Usopp's room.

"I'm going to dress up like a pirate for the costume party! Yosh! I've always wanted to be a pirate!"

Usopp stopped snickering at Chopper being dragged away by Nami. "Eh? But Luffy, there's no – umfmgh"

Zoro hurridly clamped a hand over Usopp's big mouth. "Let him be," he said low. "He'll be so busy being a pirate, he'll forget all about it being April Fool's Day."

Usopp nodded in understanding, but Zoro didn't let him go. Instead he dragged Usopp toward Luffy who had stopped chattering incessantly about being a pirate to stare at a piece of paper taped to his bedroom door.

"Eh? For me?" Luffy mumbled to himself. He leaned closer to the paper, glaring at it while rubbing his chin.

He reached up and carefully peeled the paper from the door, sniffed it, then unfolded it.

"What does it say?" Usopp whispered, still in a headlock under Zoro's armpit.

Luffy's face contorted several different ways, mostly expressing confusion at whatever was written on the piece of paper.

"Can you read it?" Zoro asked, clearly irritated.

"Hmmm, it says something about someone wanting to meet me in the park or something."

"Let me see! It could be a love note!" Usopp grabbed at the paper which Luffy willingly gave him. Usopp scanned the note dramatically, mumbling to himself the entire time. Luffy picked his nose in boredom and Zoro's scowl intensified with his irritation at these buffoons.

"Oh wow! Luffy! Someone wants to challenge you to a fight! His name is Admiral Kizaru!" Usopp exclaimed at last.

"REALLY?!?!?" Luffy exploded excitedly.

"Yeah! They say to meet them at the park at one this afternoon."

"YOSH! LET'S GO!!!"

"But Luffy, it's only eleven."

"Oh . . . Let's go now to warm up!"

"OK!" Usopp pumped his fist in the air.

The two paraded off, arm in arm.

Zoro simply left the scene to make sure Nami wasn't maiming Chopper in her rage.

* * *

"Ugh! I can't believe that perv! Wearing my _bra_ over his face because of his damn eye? And now my keys are gone. Whoever did these pranks is gonna pay! Scratch that, I know who it is. _Usopp_ is gonna pay!"

"Uh, Nami?" Chopper piped up.

"WHAT?"

"I-I can walk by-by myself –"

"Shut up, Chopper! I'm ranting!"

"O-okay . . ."

Nami was dragging Chopper down the hall and around the corner to her room to put the bra back in its rightful place. She practically kicked the door open once she arrived and made a beeline for her top dresser drawer, still ranting.

"I don't know where he even got this! Did he sneak it out in the middle of the night? I'm gonna smash his face in when I . . . I . . ."

"N-Nami . . . is everything o –"

"UUUUUSSSOOOOOPP!!!!" Nami screamed at the top of her lungs, gripping fistfuls of colorful pieces of paper that resembled fake money.

Chopper was frozen solid in fear.

Nami tore through the rest of the contents of her drawer and a few others as well, panicking the entire time, "How could this be? I _swear_ I checked it this morning! No! No! This can't be happening! NOOOOO!!!!"

She suddenly collapsed on the floor, a sobbing mess. Chopper, finally coming to his senses, slowly backed out of the room, leaving Nami to her mental breakdown.

"Geeze, what's your problem now?" Zoro asked, suddenly appearing in her doorway and Chopper hiding somewhere behind him.

Nami turned her face up towards Zoro, pure hatred etched into every feature. Zoro didn't even flinch.

"My super secret money stash has _magically_ turned into _freaking _MONOPOLY MONEY!" Nami emphasized this by throwing wads of the colorful money at Zoro. Then she collapsed into one of her fits again.

Zoro arched an eyebrow, his classic expression that fulfilled several emotions.

"Come on, Chopper," he said finally, ignoring Nami. "Let's find you some clothes."

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon, where is it?" Usopp muttered to himself, searching high and low as he walked outside to search the front yard. It was almost one, and Luffy was at the park already, facing his challenger this very minute! Why did he have to lose his backpack now?!

Usopp was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice Zoro going up the stairs at the same time Usopp was coming down until his long nose crunched into Zoro's hard-as-rock chest.

"Huh? Oh, s-sorry, Zoro," he stuttered, rubbing his nose with one hand and nervously patting Zoro's beefy shoulder with the other.

Zoro grunted in annoyance and swatted Usopp's hand away like one would a fly. "Didn't you go with Luffy to the park?"

"Uh, yeah, but then I realized I didn't have my backpack. You know, in case Luffy needs back up from the great and terrible me! Yes! I will be there in Luffy's time of need! I, the Great –"

"Did Luffy's challenger show up or not?" Zoro interrupted before he felt the desire to physically harm Usopp.

"Yeah, but he seemed a little strange. Really stiff and hard, you know? And he was there really early, right when we first got there with a sign with his name on it and everything. But he wanted a staring contest! I think Luffy was winning when I ran off to get my backpack."

Zoro's eyes widened just slightly from their usual half-lidded state, but only brief enough that Usopp didn't notice.

"Well, I haven't seen your back pack anywhere," he grunted, side stepping to head up the stairs finally.

"Oh, ok. Thanks Zoro," Usopp mumbled to his retreating back.

He wandered outside, in case he might have left it somewhere when Chopper, Luffy, and him were playing Frisbee the other day by the oak tree in the back yard. Usopp circled the base of the tree and some of the bushes nearby. Hmmm. Wasn't there, maybe on the porch? A soft breeze rustled the newly budding leaves slightly, shaking loose a twig that bonked him on the head causing him to look up in confusion. Wait a minute. . .

"How did it get up there?" Usopp wondered scratching his head, for high up in the oak tree his hunter green backpack swayed in the breeze.

Shrugging, Usopp made to climb the tree and retrieve his pack. He was such a skilled climber that this was quite simple to do. Ever so carefully, he reached out to snatch his bag from the branch it hung precariously from. Straddling a thicker branch below it, Usopp hugged his back pack to his chest, yet noticing something strange with the weight. Hadn't it been lighter before?

Suddenly the bag made a strange chirping noise and quivered violently.

"What the . . ."

Cautiously, Usopp unzipped the top pocket, wincing in case something jumped out.

Nothing.

Oh, well in that case, maybe he should take a closer look inside. As soon as he stuck his head in there, two pairs of beady little eyes were in his face.

"AHHHHH!!!!" Usopp yelled, releasing the bag, but not before two squirrels managed to leap out and viscously attack his face. He careened to the ground, screaming and batting at his head the entire way.

"RAAAABIIIIEEES!!!" Usopp ran around in circles beneath the tree he just fell out of, flailing helplessly before running back inside the house.

* * *

Zoro lazily strode into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke out of the fridge. He noticed Sanji was cooking something in a large saucepan that smelled like ground beef.

"What's for dinner, curly brows?"

Sanji paused to glare at Zoro. "_You_ are having leftovers. _This_ is for Nami, since she has no money to go out with her lovely friends."

Zoro cocked his head at him. "What's on your face?"

Sanji became morose. "I couldn't cook right with my left eye so exposed."

"You're dumb." Zoro leaned his head back to chug half the can of Coke. Suddenly, he paused and looked back at Sanji, raising an eyebrow.

"Is that my bandana?"

"No," Sanji answered, quickly looking away.

Zoro didn't even respond. He simply marched over and ripped the black bandana off Sanji's head.

"Hey!" Sanji cried, slapping his hands over his face.

Zoro opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Usopp bursting into the kitchen with two squirrels running around his head.

"RAAAAABIIIEEES!!!!" Usopp screamed and danced around.

"Nice try, Usopp!" Sanji jeered. "Pranking yourself just so we won't think it's you screwing us around today. HA! What a lame prank!"

But Usopp paid no attention. He was too busy trying to get the angry squirrels off his head. Finally he weaved his way through the kitchen and out the back door.

Chopper ran in shortly after with a panicked look on his freckled face.

"Zoro! I think Usopp has rabies!"

Zoro and Sanji paused to stare at Chopper.

"We need to do something, guys!" he shouted at them.

"You're wearing girls' clothes," Sanji stated, as if Chopper didn't know already.

Chopper turned a bright pink and crossed his arms over his chest. He was wearing a short plaid skirt with his boxers peeking out underneath and a pale yellow shirt with big blue letters that read, "POP*STAR."

"He doesn't have rabies," Zoro said at last, leaving the room.

Chopper looked up, surprised, barely catching sight of Zoro's back as he left the kitchen. Then he looked over at Sanji for reassurance only to find him attempting to tie a dish towel over his left eye. Chopper sighed and skittered off to find Usopp.

* * *

Franky slammed his truck in park and jumped out, marching up to his house. It would be an understatement to say he was unhappy. He was livid. _Quite_ livid.

He burst through the front door, startling everyone sitting in the living room.

"Hello, honey," Robin cooed from her spot on the couch.

Franky paused to seethe and look around before beginning his rant. His eyes immediately went to Usopp, sitting across from Robin, with several bandages over his swollen face. Chopper, currently in a skirt, was tending his wounds. Nami was crawling around on the floor muttering something about "money" and "death." Sanji was sitting next to Robin, a sock tied over the left side of his face, and Zoro was kicked back in a recliner. Luffy was nowhere to be seen or heard.

"Did you get pranked too, dear?" Robin asked, smiling sweetly.

"Yeah. I'm sure Usopp could tell you," Franky ground out, glaring at Usopp.

"Hey! Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't do anything! My prank was the best this year so far!"

Franky grunted and sat next to his wife.

"You've been saying that all day, long-nose-kun," she said, sidling up to Franky. "What prank did you actually pull?"

Usopp shook in mirth, his laughter disrupting Chopper's doctoring. "It was the BEST PRANK EVER!" he declared.

No one breathed as they all impatiently waited for Usopp to control his laughter enough to spill the beans.

"Whew! Okay, okay," he sighed, slapping his knee. "I didn't pull a prank all day! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! How's _that_ for an April Fool's prank? Only the Great Usopp could pull off something that heinous!"

Everyone sighed.

"Then who did all of this?" Franky demanded.

The room suddenly erupted in angry protests.

"It couldn't have been me! I got pranked first!"

"If _anyone_ spent a dime with MY money, you'll owe quadruple interest!"

"Please, I want my clothes back."

"And my _keys!_"

"I can't cook like this!"

"Oh the rabies!"

"What if it was Luffy? He's been gone all day!"

"No! He's not smart enough to pull all this off!"

"Then where is he?"

"Please, I just want my clothes back."

"RAAAAABIIIEEESSSS!!!"

_SLAM!_

Everyone froze, mouths agape, staring at the huge history book Robin had thrown on the coffee table. She brushed her hands together as if rubbing dust off them and crossed her delicate arms across her ample chest, a smirk on her face.

"Obviously, everyone who had got pranked today wasn't a pranker. Only one person hasn't said a word this whole time . . ." she turned her head dramatically towards the recliner where a certain green-haired muscle man was. Everyone's heads followed suit, soon gasps and whispered cries of astonishment rippled through the peanut gallery.

Zoro sat up, just realizing all the attention he was getting. They all expected him to say something, either denying his guilt or admitting his pwnage.

"Well, Zoro, it had been you pranking us all day, hadn't it?" Robin asked.

Zoro simply smirked, shrugged his shoulders, and stood and stretched. Then he walked to the stairs, calling over his shoulder, "I'm going to bed."

The room was still in shock as everyone heard Zoro's firm footsteps walk up the stairs and into his bedroom, the door closing.

"What the _hell_?!?"

* * *

A cool night breeze rustled the curtains around the window, the entire room dark and silent, save for an almost snore from the sleeping mass against the left wall. A sliver of light shone across the floor as Sanji crept in and shut the door behind him. He settled into the bed opposite the other, tall body stretched out, arms up behind the head.

"So _you_ pranked us all today, huh?" Sanji asked, knowing full well the warrior was not fully asleep yet.

Said man groaned and turned over.

"Do I want to know where you got all those baby keys?"

"No, not really," Zoro mumbled, stretching out like Sanji.

"ZOOOORRRROOOO!!!" Luffy yelled, bounding into the room making the two men jump like they'd been kicked in the stomach.

"IWONIWONIWONIWON!!!" Luffy was now jumping up and down on Zoro's stomach.

"Ugh, get the hell off me," Zoro managed to gasp out. He caught Luffy by the ankle and threw him to the floor. Luffy continued to laugh psychotically while all sprawled out in a face plant.

"Won what?" Sanji inquired, now sitting up and rubbing his head because of the headache that suddenly sprang up.

"WON THE STARING CONTEST! WOOOHOOO!!!"

"Staring contest?" Sanji looked across at Zoro who, for the first time Sanji has ever seen, had a surprised expression.

It was Zoro's turn to start asking questions. "How could you win against 'Admiral Kizaru'?"

"It was tough! But I did it! He was a real stiff, ya know? Cold too." Luffy was now sitting cross legged in the middle of the room, rolling around like a small child. "Let's go get some meat for celebration!!!"

Sanji stared in bewilderment at Zoro, then at Luffy. "What? Admiral Kizaru? You mean the statue in the park?"

* * *

A/N: I know an April Fool's one is like a week late, but it took me that long to write it when I got the idea. I must give credit to **endsoftime** for helping me with prank ideas. It was still way more epic when we planned it out in the book store, but I think it turned out pretty good. Hope it wasn't too choppy! So let me know what you think! Please please please review! Don't make me beg!


	3. Road Trip Part I

A/N: Hey so I'm not dead, this story's not dead, nobody's dead! I've been meaning to update this for over a year and I finally got inspired by stupid things that make me laugh. Hopefully the good ju-ju sticks around and I'll finally update some other awesome strawhat moments this summer. BTW, this scenario occurs in 3 parts.

* * *

_**Road Trip Part I**_

**_"To Hell in a . . . Sporty Red Car?"_**

"Think about it, it'll be just me and you, all alone, together, _no kids_."

Robin thought about her husband's notion. Things had been pretty crazy lately around the house: Chopper's panic attack when he found pictures of himself all over his facebook page wearing a certain pop star shirt, Usopp's catapult taking a significant chunk out of the garage, and Luffy's "driving lesson" on the riding lawn mower through the living room.

"A break would be nice," she said. "But what about the kids? There's a possibility of a pile of rubble lying where our house should be."

"I'm sure Nami and Zoro can handle the ruckus just fine! They handled things pretty well last night when the Rock Band game got too out of hand."

"Hun, Nami shoved the drum stick up Luffy's nose."

"But he stopped wailing!"

"I'm still not sure we should leave them all alone for a weekend."

"Oh come on! We _need_ this! Here, let's ask Zoro now."

Zoro lumbered into the kitchen, drenched in sweat, towel around his neck.

"Ask me what?" he said, grabbing a loaf of bread from the bread box and fishing in the silverware drawer for a knife.

Robin smiled sweetly, "If you wouldn't mind keeping everyone in line when Franky and I take some vacation time this weekend."

"Can't. Got a tournament in the city this weekend." Zoro fished out the peanut butter and started making a sandwich.

"Tournament for what?" Luffy asked, suddenly popping out from a cupboard under Zoro.

Zoro simply slid his stuff to the end of the counter and glared at Luffy. "My fight club, genius."

"Oh, so that's what you do for a living, Marimo?" Sanji sneered sauntering into the kitchen. "Lunch anyone?"

"Don't give me that shit, Curly Brow. I'm paying my rent." Zoro said, pointing his dirty knife at the cook.

"Yes, some lunch would be nice," Robin chimed.

"Oi Luffy! You were supposed to be hiding this time!" Usopp shouted, marching into the room and pointing accusingly at Luffy.

"I was! But then Robin and Franky started talking about stuff and Zoro came in and started talking about stuff and then Sanji came in insulting Zoro – "

"Hey! What did I say about clothes in the dryer? Don't throw your stuff in if there's already stuff in there!" Nami stormed in shaking a soggy ball of clothing above her head.

"Oh sorry, that was me," Usopp quietly responded. "I'll help you sort out the loads."

Nami sighed irritably and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Fine."

"Awww c'mon guys! I've been hiding in the hamper for a half hour now! Usopp, you were supposed to find me!" Chopper cried as he came shuffling into the kitchen.

Robin chuckled, the room suddenly very noisy and very crowded. She completely understood now that a little weekend getaway with her husband wouldn't be so bad anymore.

Tapping Nami on the shoulder to get her attention, Robin asked, "Nami, are you available this weekend?"

"No, sorry, I have to drive into the city to visit the museum for a project in my History class. Why?"

"Oh, well Franky and I were planning on having some alone time this weekend."

The room immediately went silent.

After a while, Chopper finally spoke up. "You're-you're leaving us alone for the weekend?"

"Hell yes," Franky barked. "My wife and I want a romantic weekend for ourselves, and we are going to get one without having to worry about _you people_ razing the house to the ground while we're gone!"

Everyone was frozen in a shocked silence for a minute, then burst out laughing.

"AHAHAHAHAAA! Yeah, like that's gonna happen," Sanji said, wiping tears from the corner of his eye.

They all filed out of the room to find more interesting things to do, save for Nami, with Usopp in tow, Zoro still eating his sandwich, and Sanji preparing some lunch, elbowing the swordsman every so often just to piss him off.

Feeling rather pissed off by the cook's immature behavior, Zoro stuffed the remainder of his sandwich in his mouth and stalked off to the basement where Nami and Usopp were sorting soggy laundry.

"Hey, Nami," Zoro called as he descended the stairs.

"Yeah?" she responded.

"You heading into the city too?"

"Yeah, History project and to visit Vivi. She just got a new apartment downtown."

"Can I get a ride? I have a tournament there at The Arena."

"Pay me half gas, plus interest."

"_Plus_ interest? How _much_ interest?"

"Depends. Don't worry, I'll bill you later."

"Woman, I just need a lift to the city."

"Fine then, take the bus."

Zoro squatted beside Usopp who was sectioning off piles of soggy laundry, contemplating his predicament. Yes, he could just simply take the bus, stay in a hotel, all by himself, but he knew —and Nami knew— how he'd never get anywhere because of his horrid sense of direction.

"Ok, ok, I'll pay you half gas plus interest."

"Deal! I'm leaving at 9 tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, yeah, Miss Greed," Zoro mumbled.

* * *

"Zoroooooooooo, but _why_ won't you play a game of football with us?" Luffy whined while following Zoro up the stairs.

"I told you, I've got to pack for my tournament this weekend."

Luffy continued to whine as they entered Zoro and Sanji's room where Sanji was kicked back on his bed reading a _Taste of Home_ magazine.

"But Zoroooooooooooooooooooooooo—"

"No."

"—oooooooooooooooooooooooooo—"

"Oi, what're you doing, Marimo?"

"Packing, Cook."

"—ooooooooooooooooooooooooo—"

"For what? You moving out finally?"

"No, idiot. A Fight Club tournament this weekend."

"_Gasp_—ooooooooooooooooooooooooo—"

"Ah. I hope you lose then."

"—oooooooooooooooo—"

"LUFFY SHUT THE HELL UP!"

* * *

Zoro impatiently leaned against the red mitsubushi convertible in the gravel driveway. It was currently 9:10 in the morning and Miss Greed had told him to be ready to go by 9 AM sharp. How annoying.

Suddenly the side door burst open and Nami came marching out carrying two suitcases.

"About time," Zoro commented as she approached the car.

"Shut up. Just toss your stuff in the back," Nami said, throwing her two suitcases in the back seat.

"NAAAAAAAMIIIIII SWWWWAAAAAAAANNNNN! You forgot your—AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Zoro and Nami both looked back at the house to see Sanji half hanging out a second story window shouting and wriggling around.

"Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-ZORO? Wha-what are you doing with my Nami-Swan?"

"Ignore him, c'mon let's get out of here," said Nami, coldly turning her back and getting in the car.

"ZORO HOW DARE YOU!" Sanji yelled some more, attempting to leap out the window now.

"Stupid Question Mark, you're gonna kill yourself doing that!" Zoro yelled back.

"NAMI I'M COMING FOR YOU! I'LL RESCUE YOU FROM THIS PIG!"

"HEY! Who're you calling a pig? ASSHOLE!"

"YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE!"

"Wow, getting to the intelligent insults now, aren't we?" Nami grumbled from the driver's seat.

"We'll see how cocky you are once I get down there— AGHRAHH!"

"Zoro, get in or I'm leaving without you."

"Yes, ma'am." Zoro slid into the passenger side and slammed the door, smirking at the sight in the rearview mirror of Sanji dangling by one foot from the window, flailing about and screaming. Yup, maybe this trip idea wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Once the two hit the high way, they settled into their complacent silence: Nami cranking the tunes on the radio and Zoro popping in his ear buds and falling asleep. Yes, this was going to be a good little get away from all the stress of life in the Franky House, and they were going to meet up with her friend and old roommate. Nami took a deep sigh of relief and contentment.

_CATHUNK!_

"What'd we hit?" Zoro slurred, awoken from his deep slumber.

"I don't know! I didn't see anything in the road!" Nami yelled, looking frantically in all mirrors for any sign of something still back there.

_CATHUNK! CATHUNK!_

Nami swerved to regain control of the car.

"What the hell is going on?" Zoro exclaimed, hanging on for dear life.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

_CATHUNK!_

Finally, Nami hit the brakes, screeching to a stop on the shoulder and receiving many angry honks because of it.

"Same to you buddy!" she yelled out and shook her fist at the passing car. Then she got out of the car to see what was going on with it.

"Flat tire?" Zoro asked, joining her.

"No, all my tires look fine," she said circling the car.

"I don't see anything back there." He squinted back down the highway for a bump in the road or roadkill.

_CATHUNK! CATHUNK! CATHUNK!_

"It's coming from the trunk!" Nami screeched and backed away from the car.

Zoro arched an eyebrow. Great. "Pop the trunk."

"WHAT?"

"Do you want to know what's in there?"

"Well, yeah, but it could be—"

"Pop the trunk."

"Fine."

Nami stood back and pointed the keyless remote at the trunk like a weapon.

"MEEEEEEEAAAAATTTTTTTTT!"

The trunk flew open as soon as it unlocked and Luffy more or less exploded from the trunk screaming and whining. "I ALMOST SUFFOCATED IN THERE! OHMYGOSH I COULD HAVE DIED!"

"LUFFY?" Nami and Zoro gawked at the same time.

"Hi guys!"

Nami instantly whipped out her cell phone and dialed the number for home. "I am NOT taking him with. Sanji is going to come out here and pick him up and take him back home."

"AWWWWW NAMI! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK! I WANNA TRAVEL WITH YOU TWO!" Luffy cried, gripping Nami's ankles.

"Ack! Luffy, get off me!" Nami tried to shake him loose.

After continuously calling the house and various cell phones with no one answering, Nami was about to fling her phone onto the road, but thinking of something better, she marched back towards the car.

"Get back in the car, Zoro, we're leaving. Someone will find him eventually."

"WHAT? I COULD DIE OUT HERE! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" Luffy whined, begging on his knees for Nami to take him.

"Why can't we just turn around and take him home? We're only an hour away," Zoro suggested.

"Nope. Too much time would be wasted."

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE—"

"Nami, we can't just leave him out here. He will find a way to either follow us or hurt himself."

Nami paused to consider Zoro's logic. "Fine. Luffy, get in, BUT NO ANNOYING STUFF!"

* * *

**With Luffy now joining their trip, things went a little like this . .** .

"One hundred bottles of beer on the wall! One hundred bottles of beer! Take one down—"

"Oh my god, he's going to drive me insane."

"Don't think my zen meditation is so useless now? Hmm?"

**And this . . .**

"NAMI I HAVE TO PEE!"

"But we just stopped five minutes ago!"

"I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THEN! NAMI PLEASE I'M GONNA BURST!"

**And especially this . . .**

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"Zoro, quick, give me one of your socks. I'm gonna gag him."

"Look, you decided not to turn around. It's your fault he's still with us."

"Your interest just doubled."

"Here's both my socks."

**But the best part of the trip was this . . . **

"Wow, did he just fall asleep?" Nami asked looking in the review mirror.

"Yeah, I guess so. Wore himself out finally. But you know him, he's a ticking time bomb, he'll wake up and cause us to crash."

"Ugh, I've got a headache."

"There's a rest stop next mile. I'm sure they've got some aspirin there."

At the rest stop, Zoro also got out of the car, to Nami's surprise. "Where are you going? Stay with him."

"He'll be fine. If anything, he's probably the best car alarm there is. I'm gonna get coffee, want some?"

"Fine. But if he goes missing or my car gets stolen, you're paying."

Zoro's eye twitched at his constant debt to Nami as they entered the traveler's plaza.

A few minutes later, Zoro wandered the parking lot with two cups of coffee, looking for Nami's car. Did he come out the wrong entrance?

Suddenly an ear piercing scream caused him to look over the top of the car next to him and see Nami having a fit and conniption at an empty parking space.

Oh, so that's where they parked.

As Zoro got closer, he could hear better what Nami was screaming. "MY CAR! MY CAR'S BEEN STOLEN! AND LUFFY'S IN IT! OH MY GOD I'M GONNA KILL THAT—"

"Where's the car?" Zoro asked nonchalantly, handing her one of the coffee cups.

Nami did not hesitate to unload on the poor swordsman. "YOU! THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU SAID TO LEAVE HIM, HE'LL BE FINE! LOOK HOW FINE HE IS NOW! HE'S GONE!"

Her rant, much to Zoro's delight, was cut short by the beeping of a horn. The two looked over to see Luffy pulling up to them in Nami's car.

"Hey, guys!"

"LUFFY? WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?"

**A few minutes earlier . . . **

Luffy awoke to find himself completely alone and the car apparently parked since it was clearly not moving. He got up and looked around, seeing that they were at a rest stop and the keys remained on the front seat. Hmmmmm. . .

Luffy hopped in the front seat, started the car, and drove off to the gas station attached to the plaza.

He stood there sucking on a beef stick and humming as the tank filled until the _calunk_ sound of the pump shutting off reached his ears. Luffy grabbed the receipt, hopped back in the car, and headed for the parking lot.

**Presently . . .**

"To get a beef stick and gas," he said simply, crawling out of the driver's seat and into the back.

Nami gaped.

Zoro shrugged, and got into the passenger seat with his coffee.

"Come on, Nami, let's go!" Luffy chanted.

"Yeah, come on, Nami. Or we're going to be even more late than we already are if you stand there with your mouth hanging open like that."

* * *

Nami, Zoro, and Luffy finally managed to make it to the city and eventually found Vivi's apartment located on the fourth floor of a very tall apartment complex.

The door was flung open almost immediately when they knocked, followed by a squealing Vivi, long aquamarine hair bouncing all over the place.

"Oh you finally made it! I'm so glad you could all come!" she said, hugging them a few times each, giggling excitedly all the while. Zoro couldn't help but smile at how overjoyed she was to see them, especially since he and Luffy were rather unexpected guests.

"Well come in! Come in!" She grabbed Nami's hands who joined in hopping up and down on the threshold. "It's the _coolest_ place ever!"

Vivi lead them inside her decent sized studio apartment. The furnishings were the essentials, nothing too flamboyant or crazy, a welcome site to the strange things back at the Franky House. The open kitchen contained simple, stainless steel appliances and black counters arranged in an L shape. A few black painted bar stools lined the counter. In the center of the room, facing the wide sliding glass doors leading out to a deck, was a simple chocolate brown couch, coffee table, and media center combo. And, of course, the bedroom and bathroom were behind doors located on the far left wall.

"Oh Vivi!" Nami gasped, looking around in awe. "This _is_ the coolest! Simple, but you."

"Thank you so much! Well, I don't have much furniture or decorations just yet, I'm still trying to get myself on my feet. Daddy's helped me so much already. Oh! Here, let me take you bags for you! Nami, you'll be staying in my room with me. Zoro, Luffy, you two get the living room. I have a futon there—" she jerked her head toward the brown futon against the wall "— or you can sleep on the couch, too. Help yourself to whatever you need!" She paused to set down the luggage and clasped her hands, eyes gleaming, "I'm so glad you guys could come and visit me! It means so much to see my old friends again!" Then she added in a shy voice, "It's been sort of difficult to . . . well make friends out here . . ." Her face brightened, though, and she picked up the luggage again. "Well, come on! Let's get you guys settled."

She lead Nami off to her room, while Zoro tossed his lone duffle bag on the futon. Luffy, who had been surprisingly quiet the entire time, approached Zoro with an odd look on his face.

"Zoro, I don't understand it," he said, sitting down on the futon.

Zoro merely raised an eyebrow.

"Why no one would want to befriend Vivi . . . I just don't understand. She's so nice! People are so blind sometimes."

Zoro grunted in agreement.

Suddenly, Vivi popped her head out, saying, "Oh! And I rented some movies we can watch! It'll be like a slumber party!"

Luffy whooped and clapped his hands like a small child; Zoro groaned.

* * *

The two boys had pulled the futon off the frame and dragged it over in front of the television while the two girls situated themselves on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a fleece blanket.

"What's the movie, Vivi?" Luffy asked in his excited way.

"Well you can pick between _The Proposal_ or _He's Just Not That Into You_." Vivi stated, holding out the two DVDs like cards.

Luffy scratched his head, staring intently at the two options.

"Che, they're both chick flicks," Zoro drawled. He sprawled out on the futon and closed his eyes.

"Whatever," Nami scowled down at him. "You'll probably be asleep before the opening credits anyways."

"Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmm—"

"LUFFY, JUST PICK ONE!" Nami yelled.

"Alright, alright. _This_ one!"

"Perfect!" Vivi squealed as she popped in _The Proposal_ into the DVD player.

As you can guess, Luffy got bored almost immediately and passed out next to Zoro on the futon at the girls' feet.

* * *

**Meanwhile, back at the house . . . **

"Stupid Marimo ruining everything by running away with _my_ Nami-swan where he could do very, very romantic things to her and win her heart which is what I've been trying to do since she moved in—"

Sanji viciously stirred his special sauce for dinner that night while angrily mumbling to himself. Things had been pretty calm since Robin and Franky had left, as well as Nami and Zoro. Luffy mysteriously disappeared, but that was a welcome gift since it was so much easier to manage for the weekend without Luffy stirring up trouble with Usopp and Chopper who were now quietly watching television in the other room.

But Nami and Zoro.

How could he have missed that? Their secret love affair? Happening right under his nose! Oh the things they could be doing, and with Vivi!

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH THEIR INNOCENCE! CURSE YOU ZOROOOOOO!"

_CRASH! BAM! SLAM!_

"Yohoho! I have arrived!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHATTHEHELL?" Sanji screamed, his sauce spilling all over the floor as he leaped over the counter towards the backdoor. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" he demanded of the strange tall man with an afro who just burst in through the back door.

"Yohohoho! You must be Sanji, correct? I'm Grandpa Brook, your babysitter for the weekend!" The tall, skinny man adjusted his tie and smiled wide, stretching his thin skin across his skeleton like features.

Sanji stood mouth agape. "Babysitter? But we don't need—"

"Grandpa Brook!" Chopper and Usopp shouted, suddenly running into the kitchen and hugging 'Grandpa Brook.'

"Yohohoho! Hi there, children! I have arrived! Who wants to hear a song?"

"MEMEMEMEMEEEEE!" the two shouted, jumping up and down excitedly.

"Alright!" Brook cleared his throat dramatically, took a deep breath, and started to sing.

Sanji, meanwhile, crawled to the corner and curled up in a fetal position, sobbing.

* * *

**To be continued . . . **


	4. Road Trip Part II

_**Road Trip Part II: **_

**_"Painting the Town Red Strawhat Fashion"_**

Robin tapped her fingers on the hotel room end table, waiting for someone to answer on the other line.

"Hello?"

Oh good, it was Chopper.

"Hi, Chopper, sweetie," she said. "How are you doing?"

"Oh hi, Robin! I'm doing great!"

"Good, good. Is Grandpa Brook there yet?"

"Yeah, he arrived just last night! He's a lot of fun!"

Robin chuckled softly before responding, "Oh that man! So is everything ok over there?"

Suddenly a blood curdling scream was heard in the background on Chopper's end, followed by, "_OH MY GOD I'M ON FIRE!_"

"_Yohohoho! Someone should help the young chef-san_."

"_Quick! Call the fire department!_"

"Uhhh," Chopper stalled, sounding shaky, "yeah, every . . . thing's just f-fine . . ."

"Honey!" Franky called from the bathroom. "I don't think I'm doing this right!"

Robin sighed. "Chopper, is everything ok over there?" she said more sternly, ignoring Franky's mutterings of irritation.

"Y-yeah. . . we're just practicing . . . what to do in case Sanji were to burst into flames! Yeah! Just practicing! Heh heh heh."

"_Stopdroproll, stopdroproll, SANJI! STOPDROPROLL!_"

"Maybe it's too small." Robin looked up to see Franky suddenly standing before her in a French-maid outfit. . . backwards.

She chuckled at her husband's predicament and said back into the phone, "Chopper, honey, I've got to go. Now make sure no one gets hurt in your . . . practices."

"HAHA! Of course, Robin!"

"Oh and Chopper?"

"Y-yes?"

"The fire extinguisher is on the back porch."

"Thank you, Robin! Th-that is _if_ we need it."

"Uh-huh, I understand. Send everyone our love! Bye!"

_Click_.

Robin hung up the phone and went to go attend to more . . . pressing matters.

* * *

"Ok, we'll meet you here for your matches this afternoon. _Don't leave this building_." Nami added threateningly.

"Yeah, yeah." Zoro responded as he got out of the tiny red car. He had to ride in the cramped back seat with Luffy as Nami drove through the psychotic city traffic.

She slammed the door shut and peeled off to the museum.

"I'm looking forward to helping you with your paper, Nami," Vivi said as they cruised through the museum parking garage. "What class did you say it was for?"

"A history class. Well, more of an Anthropology class to be exact."

"AH! Nami! There's one!" Luffy shouted pointing at an open parking space.

Once parked properly, they all piled out of the car and began heading into the museum. Nami paused at the entrance to address Luffy.

"Luffy."

"Huh?"

"You need to stay by me at all times, got it? No wondering around by yourself, okay?"

"Geeze, Nami, I get it," Luffy drawled, index finger digging around in his nostril.

They finally marched into the museum, Nami mumbling something about the museum having leashes for miscreant children. Nami did a good job of keeping Luffy in tow, despite his constant complaining of being hot, being hungry, being tired, being bored. The girls did a good job of tuning him out without losing him. However, as we all know, this museum trip was not going to end without _something_ going wrong.

"Oooh, this will be good for my paper," Nami said while jotting down notes furiously in a notebook.

"Umm, Nami?"

"In a minute."

"Nami!"

"What?"

"Luffy's gone."

* * *

"HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME! I TOLD THE IDIOT TO STAY RIGHT THERE!" Nami raged, disturbing many other groups of people she passed as she tore through the museum.

Suddenly Nami skidded to a stop and backtracked to re-examine the sign pointing to one of the exhibits.

PIRATES

"Vivi, in here."

The two girls marched through the exhibit hastily searching for Luffy. They looked through the mock pirate ship, behind the fake trees, around some of the rum barrels. Right when Nami was about to scream in frustration, she heard a hissing perked her head up to look around for the source of the sound, but found none. A few minutes later she heard it again. Finally she looked straight ahead to see a strange looking pirate manikin with a wide goofy grin and lanky limbs behind one of the glass display cases. Wait a minute . . .

"Pssssst! Nami!" the manikin whispered, breaking pose for just a second.

"LUFFY!" Nami screamed, slamming herself up against the glass.

"Hi, Nami! I'm a _pirate!_" he whispered excitedly, then snapped back into a serious face.

"LUFFY! GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!" Nami screeched, pounding the glass with her fist to punctuate each word.

"Ma'am," a gruff voice said behind her.

"WHAT?" she yelled, whipping around to be inches away from a very angry, bristly browed security guard. "Oh, sorry officer. There's just . . . um, someone got stuck in this display case—"

"Spare me, Miss. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave if you keep acting like this."

"No, officer, it's just—one of the pirates, he's real—"

"Miss, there's nothing wrong with this display. These are all manikins."

"No, you don't understand!"

"Alright, Miss, you're going to have to leave now. Come with me."

"NO WAIT! LUFFY!"

Luffy waved happily as the officer dragged Nami out of the pirate exhibit and Vivi followed worriedly.

* * *

Zoro took a deep, cleansing breath. He eyed his roid-pumped opponent: Daz Bones. This wasn't going to be a cinch, Zoro _was_ in the semi-finals, but it wasn't something Zoro _couldn't_ handle. He grinned wickedly to himself, ready to taste the blood this fight would inevitably produce. Sure he was just using wooden swords, but since they weren't wearing any padding, any hit with one of those swords could still draw blood.

Before stepping onto the mat, Zoro quickly scanned the crowd for his companions. Vivi's flowing blue hair was easy to spot, especially since she was waving and cheering at Zoro. A very pissed off Nami steamed beside her and . . . was that Luffy? Why the _hell_ was he dressed like a _pirate_? Zoro shook his head and refocused on the man in front of him. They were face to face in the center of the mat, waiting for the ref to blow the starting whistle.

"Not even one swordsman has been able to hurt one hair of mine."

Zoro smirked defiantly back at him. "Well I don't know what kind of swordsmen you've fought before me."

_TWEEEET!_

Zoro wasted no time, and neither did his opponent, before their swords were thwacking away, each hungry for a piece of the other man. Early on, Bones tripped Zoro causing him to land flat on his back, a sword inches from his eyeball. Zoro allowed himself one breath before he grabbed Bones' wrist, swung his legs in an arc beneath Bones, knocking him off balance and freeing Zoro from the pin.

"YEEEYAAAAHHH ZOROOOOO!" pirate Luffy hollered from the stands, echoed by Vivi and even Nami.

Bones licked some sweat off his upper lip, grinned, then bolted at Zoro, attacking fiercely. But Zoro held his own, matching Bones' moves evenly, not allowing him to touch him. They went back and forth like this for a while, the crowd enthusiastically investing themselves in the fight. Soon both men were covered with sweat and blood trickles here and there from a few stray hits.

They backed off for a quick breather, planning the next attack method. Their feet moved so fluidly in time with each other's that it looked like an intricate dance. In fact, both men probably considered it like a dance, a high art form requiring years of training and hard work.

Zoro took stance once again, prompting Bones to do the same.

"Shishi Sonson," Zoro mumbled before leaping like lightning at Daz Bones and then seeming to be casually strolling past him, sheathing his wooden sword in his belt.

The crowd remained silent as Bones was frozen in his fighting stance behind Zoro, unmoving, eyes bulging.

"Thank you," Zoro said, low. "I can still become stronger."

The crowd erupted in wild cheering as Daz Bones crashed to the mat, holding his stomach and writhing in pain.

* * *

"WOW ZORO YOU WERE AMAZING!" Luffy praised on their way to the car.

"Che, that guy was just a roidal wannabe swordsman." Zoro put his hands behind his head in a cocky manner as he followed behind Nami bee-lining it for the car. "But Luffy, why are you dressed like a pirate?"

Luffy took a deep, happy breath to explain the whole thing to Zoro, including his adventurous escape from the glass case, but Nami stopped him short by grabbing his lips and menacingly addressing Zoro, "You don't want to know."

* * *

**Meanwhile back at the house . . .**

"~Oh Sanji! Come out to plaaaay~" sang Grandpa Brook while looking under the dining table. "Now where did that boy get to?"

Suddenly the doorbell rang, distracting him from his quest to find Sanji.

"How may I help you?" he cooed in a grandfatherly way as he opened the door.

"Hey mister, we live down the road and our mama sent us to borrow a cup of sugar," rattled off a small child with bright red hair and pale blue eyes. He was accompanied by what seemed to be a younger sister gripping a security blanket in her small fist.

"Why of course youngsters! It'll be just a moment!" Brook left to go locate the sugar in the kitchen, the front door only slightly ajar.

The young girl tugged on her brother's overalls and pointed at the large picture window a few paces down from the front porch. Face pressed up against the thick glass was Sanji wrapped in the cream drapery and mouthing the words, "_Call the police._"

"Here you go children!" Brook chimed, suddenly appearing and causing the kids' heads to snap back at the open front door.

"Th-thanks mi-mister," the boy stuttered before breaking off at a full sprint down the gravel driveway.

* * *

**To be continued . . .**

A/N: The conversation between Zoro and Daz Bones was taken from their actual conversation in the manga Chapter 194. Just thought it'd be awesome ;)


	5. Road Trip Part III

_**Road Trip Part III:**_

**_"Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig!"_**

"Oh I'm so sad that you guys have to leave already!" Vivi whined as she watched her friends gather their luggage. "I should come visit you soon. I miss everyone so much!"

"WAAAH! VIVI! COME BACK TO LIVE WITH US!" Luffy wailed.

Zoro shoved him unceremoniously out of the way. "You're welcome over any time," he said.

Vivi latched herself around Zoro's neck, crying, "Oh thank you, Zoro! It means so much to me!"

"Come on, we should go," Nami said at last, prying Vivi off an annoyed Zoro.

"_sniff_. Yes, you should probably get going. Call me when you get home so I know you arrived safely!"

"Of course we will!" Nami and Vivi hugged for a while.

"VIVIIIIIIII!" Luffy continued to wail.

"Don't worry Luffy, I'll come see you guys soon, ok?"

"O-o-o-okay," Luffy sniffled.

"Luggage all packed? Ready to go?" Nami asked, gathering everything at the door.

"Yosh! Let's go!" Luffy exclaimed, fist pumping.

"Zoro." Nami nodded toward Zoro.

Zoro grabbed Luffy from behind, shoving a white cloth up against his mouth and nose until he lost consciousness.

"Good. Let's go!" Nami announced and turned to leave with the luggage, Zoro following carrying a sleeping Luffy by the legs.

Vivi just stood there with a worried look on her face.

* * *

**After a not so long, quiet drive home . . .**

Nami jammed the key in the deadbolt and entered the house, furiously whispering to herself and ramming suitcases in the door. Zoro followed behind her, kicking another suitcase and toting Luffy by the ankles again.

"Hey! They're home!" Chopper yelled from in front of the television. Him and Usopp sprang up to greet them, but not before Sanji came tearing out from the coat closet, jumping Zoro in an awkward, desperate hug.

"ACK! GET OFF ME YOU QUEER!"

But Sanji only softly whimpered and gripped him like a vice.

Chopper and Usopp poked at the limp Luffy. "What's wrong with him?"

Nami looked down at them. "Chloroform."

* * *

A/N: I don't hate Sanji, I just love to do terrible things to him because I love him so much.


End file.
